For Charlie Hebdo and All Free Thinkers: Persian Satirist Obeyd Zakani Sends 700 Year Old Reminder to Insult Authority and Religion, including Islam

Obeyd Zakani was a poet and satirist of the 14th century born near Qazvin, a city in what is now northeastern Iran. The historical record suggests that there were two branches of the Zakani clan: one Shia and the Sunni, with Zakani apparently part of the Sunni branch. His work is noted for its satire and obscene verses, and he is recognized as one of the most remarkable poets, satirists and social critics of Iran/Persia.

Zakani’s work from 700 years ago reflects an intellect and a freedom of thought and speech the vibrancy of which shames the pallid public discourse of the 21st century. What remains of our freedom to speak out against ridiculous ideas like religion – including Islam – is under constant attack by Islamist terrorists, opportunist governments, and cultural relativists alike.

For the freethinkers massacred at Charlie Hebdo, and for all those who would defend the right to and necessity of freedom of critical thought and speech, we reproduce below some of Obeyd Zakani’s 700-year-old anecdotes that insult religion, in this case Islam:

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A good-looking Christian boy converted to Islam. The Mullah ordered his circumcision on the first day, and raped him that very night. The next day his father asked him: “How did you find Muslims?” “Strange people,” he responded. “Whoever accepts their faith, they cut his dick in the day and tear his ass in the night.”

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The father of Mullah Nasruddin had a slave-girl with whom he would occasionally have intercourse. One night Mullah crept into her bed and embraced her. She asked, “Who are you?” He said, “Me, my father.”

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A guy went to a religious scholar and said: “I get an erection whenever I pray. What should I do?”
The scholar said: “Think of your parents passing.”
“Doesn’t work,” he responded.
“Your own last breath.”
“No use.”
Whatever the scholar said didn’t work. He finally got mad and said: “So just come fuck me, you ass.”
The guy responded: “Your holiness’s wish is my command.”

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A boy asked a Mullah, “How can I become a great man?”
The mullah answered: “In your childhood, don’t withhold your ass from friend, enemy, stranger, kin… anyone. In this way you can become a great man – a great Mullah, politician, athlete, or the like in the future.”

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Moulana Sharaf al-Din of Damghan passed by the door of a mosque. The mosque attendant had cornered a dog that had wandered inside, and was beating him. The dog was barking loudly. Moulana opened the door and the dog got away. He reproached the attendant, saying, “Oh friend, please excuse the lack of intelligence on the part of the dog, because of which he had entered the mosque. Do you ever see any of us who are intelligent inside the mosque?”

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An Arab went to Mecca on pilgrimage and his turban was stolen. He said, “Oh God, once in my life I came to Your house and You had my turban stolen. If You ever see me here again have my teeth broken.”